Back in October, I had my first BFP. However, I almost immediately started having strong back pain. When I went to my PCP to get a urine and blood test confirmation, the doctor only did the urine test and it came back negative. I don't do very well at the Dr's office (this will come up again) and didn't think to ask why he didn't do the blood test as well. He just kept saying he didn't know how my test could be positive and his test negative (all three tests I took before I saw him were early prediction tests and were positve) Later that same day, out of frustration, I paid out of pocket to get the blood test done on my own. I received the results two days later, but by then I was beginning to get concerned because I was still only getting faint lines. The blood test ended up being positive, but inconclusive, meaning that the hCG #s were still very low. At that point, I realized this wasn't going to happen. The next day my period started.

My doctor recommended me someone after that first visit and I had a scheduled appointment for mid-November with an OB/GYN but I was too depressed to even think about cancelling it. So the date of the appointment nears and the office calls to confirm the appointment, I tell them that I'm no longer pregnant and ask them if they still want me to come in. After the scheduler confers with someone else she comes back and asks me if I had a miscarriage, I tell her I guess technically I did, so they still ask me to come in.

The next day when I do, it's just awful. No one had apparently communicated that I was not there for the happy pregnancy confirmation appointment, and was only supposed to be there to make sure everything inside was still kosher. So I have to sit through the nurse go over the fact that I was no longer pregnant, then again I have to go over the whole thing with the OB/GYN. She doesn't seem to understand the idea that I had a chemical pregnancy and keeps saying, "Well I don't know why you'd have had a positive pregnancy test if you weren't pregnant." And says that my period was normal, despite me telling her multiple times it had been a week late. I forget to mention that I had the blood test done. Then she basically was like, "you're good to go." without doing any of the ultrasound testing. I should have said something, but I had had a normal cycle that month and assumed everything was OK.

Except it wasn't. I had my normal period in November and December, but then after about 10 days my period started again. And now it's been 10 days and it won't stop. I'm not having any pain at all, which is unusual, I usually cramp very badly.

I'm so scared that everything inside of me is now completely messed up and I'm too scared to go to the doctor again because the last two visits I've had were both so awful. I just don't know what else to do. I just want my cycle to be normal again so I can try and get over this horrible depression I've had ever since the miscarriage/chemical pregnancy, but it doesn't feel like it's ever going to happen.

I don't know what I expect from this post, I'm just trying to vent things out.

First time!✨

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