I feel like an awful mother.

I feel like I love my first daughter (8) more than my second (10 months) and it’s killing me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this baby and I make sure she never wants for anything... but I don’t feel the way I do with my oldest. It’s kinda hard to explain but with my first I could feel my heart breaking every time she would cry. I am a bit of a helicopter Mom when it comes to her making sure she has everything and never needs help. At my 8 year olds birthday party I literally forgot the baby was there ( my mother in law had her the whole time ) it didn’t even click until we were walking to the car and I saw the car seat 😩

With my first I was in a terrible relationship, she was not planned. I had sever depression after she was born ( towards everything except the baby), and felt like I had no one. I also didn’t trust anyone with her so I did everything on my own 24/7

With my youngest I am very happily married to an amazing man. We own a beautiful house in an amazing neighborhood and school district. I work part time and am finishing up college. My husband has a good job and I love my in laws. I am happy by every sense of the word. We tried so hard for 2 years, went through fertility issues and miscarriages. She was very planned. When she was born I knew I loved her and will protect her. But I didn’t FEEL the love like I do for my oldest. I thought she’s New it might take a while.. now 10 months later and I still feel the same. She’s awesome and I love her ...

Moms don’t really have favorites right? Please tell me I’m not crazy

Edit ** I don’t treat them differently at all. If anything I’m harder on the 8 year old ( working on my helicopterness) . I just do t feel my heart pounding like I do with my first. I kind of get anxiety thinking about everything that could go wrong or happen to my oldest.. the baby I’m just like ok she’s fine