i can’t breathe. i can physically feel my heart shattering. i don’t want to tell anyone, i just want to cry. the love of my life just told me that he has caught feelings for someone else. and i knew it. but he has always been so honest, that i truly allowed myself to ignore what i knew, in hopes that maybe i didn’t know. i prayed to God that it wasn’t true and that he and i would be in a loyal relationship. but i was wrong. i don’t know what to do. i love him so much, and without him, i don’t think i could love myself the same. i know i sound weak, and maybe i am. but with him, came strength, came true happiness, came confidence, came acceptance. and now? i’m left with nothing. i’m left with him choosing who he wants. i am not sure why i make the same mistakes and maybe that’s why God is punishing me; for allowing myself to be chosen like a material object. it’s stupid, i know. i also know that love has taken me to hell, through it all, and back.

i am tired and broken.