its been 4 months and im not trying to point fingers. My ex and i were in a relationship the first time for 5 months oct-feb 2016 into 2017 and i loved every minute me and him were together. well i have depression and anxiety attacks and other disorders and in that time period it was really rough (there was also this bad memory of me loosing my virginity and he got angry at me and he also got angry because i didnt do anything when i was raped 3x 2yrs back)(told people we had sex even though we didnt ever which made me kind of pissed). anyway, although i was happy i started to get back to worrying and skipping school, staying home in bed and i got needy. In febuary we got into a argument he couldnt take it anymore and it was over, it sadden me even more, my fanily was never home ever and now i was alone again . 2 months passed (i talked to him those 2 months) and we got back together except he didnt ask it was more like he told people we were together again. through summer we never got to see each other and school was the only place we saw and talked (i know what kind of relationship is this right?) well during summer he would want me to come over to do "stuff" and i couldnt plus i didnt want to, he for a while blocked me when he didnt want to talk and ignore messages for 2 days or so and. one time we talked on the phone and we were talking about if he was happy you know to see if we were till strong and he said he would tell me if he liked someone else. i took it as nothing but i did cry. he kept being distant and when school came around he didnt want to be seen with me (i could tell) and so i started backing off. i asked hime to walk me to class and he said no and the next day i saw him walking with someone to her class. it wouldnt bug me if i mean he wasnt rude in his no to me. i just wanted to walk to talk to him. i felt him wanting to break up and one day in sept. he texted me saying we need to talk and broke it all off myself because i didnt want to hear it. all the crap and the next day i saw him with another girl.i bet they were talking while he was with me the 2nd time and they are now dating and im upset/dissapointed. so its 4 months from the break up and i miss him and last yr christmas day i have this memory of him telling me his familys cookie recipe that he loves and im here so broken and i put faith into him (also much money) . i made him 2 notebooks of this little diary i had of him and a portrait that has a list of names like adam and <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a>, J and A (us) gifts and food and id reassure him once a week how he was important to me.i feel like its my fault for being pushy. needy and depressed. but im wondering if it was really all on me?.