Missing someone who doesn't exist

Christmas was hard. For months I've dreamed of my family and my husband's family opening up gifts that announce our pregnancy. I've dreamed of buying little Christmas outfits for our baby to wear next year. I never thought I would NOT be pregnant by the end of this year. Yet here I am. Fielding questions about when we're going to start a family and seeing countless holiday pregnancy announcements on social media in the last few weeks. I'm so so happy for them but so so sad for me.

For a few minutes I would be ok, laughing as if nothing was wrong, but then something would remind me of what I don't have, and I would try so hard not to cry.

I hope this will pass after the holidays are over. TTC is always difficult but this time of year makes it so much worse.