i’m going to delete my ex’s number but first I just wish I could get my shit off my chest. do you girls think I should send?

god I never thought i’d be able to but i really fucking hate you. that’s not an angry statement, more of a general heart felt statement. I don’t understand how I fell in love with you while you didn’t feel a damn thing. I feel dumb even writing this because I know you don’t give a fuck, which makes everything I say pointless. I just want to scream at you and beat the fuck out of you until I can’t feel the pain anymore. which brings me back to how can I feel so strongly when I know you don’t feel at all. I don’t know how you could have pretended to care and I don’t know how you could be so selfish to continue dating me and making me fall more in love with you when you were falling out of it(if you ever felt it at all) back to feeling dumb again because I’m in the position of all the girls who I used to judge and call idiots for falling in love with some douche bag. then again I don’t really even know what love is in the first place and I can’t believe my first “love” or just relationship I guess makes me hate it again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. why I have these emotions, or maybe it’s because i’m young and haven’t experienced enough to really know when i’m feeling love. but i don’t know why I feel like i’m in love. clearly I can’t be when you don’t even feel anything for me. it’s not love if it’s unrequited, right? someone said that to me before, probably anja, but idk. this is the only time I wish my sucky memory would work. sometime I randomly think of memory’s like when I said I was afraid to fall in love with you. that made me mad because you were aware of that fear and still let me, only to disappoint like everyone does anyway. other happy memory’s like when you seemed to like me in michigan and video or pictures on my phone when we seemed happy. I guess you weren’t or maybe you just wanted something better. gotta delete those so i’ll stop looking at them. I hate feeling like i’m overreacting, like i’m making this seem bigger or more important than it is. I feel like it’s important but I assume you’re over it already and ready to move on. I also hate that you agreed to break up for a short period. why give me the false hope when you apparently have no real vision or want of that happening. I wish I could send this to you and then delete your number, but I know you’d just make me seem even more dumb and like i’m overreacting because that’s what everyone always does when I get mad and go off.