I have a gut feeling about someone watching my child. Is it postpartum anxiety or should I trust my instinct?

Question

I have a new born and when I go back to work in February I am working MWF. Mondays and Wednesdays I have my mom and husband watching the baby, but on Fridays my sister is scheduled to watch him some of the day. My sister is very excited about her nephew and has been buying him things left and right. She is also excited about watching him. She raised two kids of her own and is a functioning adult. However for some reason I have this intense fear of her watching him. She doesn’t really have common sense and sometimes she can be stupid in the things she does. She also smokes. Although she doesn’t have the most common sense, she isn’t reckless. And even though she smokes, she doesn’t smoke around her children ever. She promises me she won’t smoke the hours she is watching him and I’ve seen her go 5+ hours without smoking before so I believe she can. Even though I have these thoughts I still do not feel comfortable. At first I worried about her smoking around him causing SIDS. Now I’m worried about her dropping him or letting him choke or something. She is 9 years older than me and we haven’t ever been close just because of age. She also annoys me at times because of basic personality differences. But AGAIN, she isn’t malicious and raised kids of her own and assured me she will do what I want with his schedule and stuff. 
Why do I have this sick feeling? There is no logic for it. I have had anxiety about her watching my baby since before he was born. I’ve worried about smoking, her dropping him, her forgetting him in the car, him choking with her, her letting him roll off the bed etc.
 I worried about my mom watching him and grandma, but it hasn’t been the same anxiety as  her watching him. I’ve also had anxiety about SIDS and dropping and all kinds of things, so I’ve been generally anxious from the beginning, but this makes me sick and it won’t really go away. 
Am I just a anxious mom or is it instinctual? every time I logically think about it I feel a little better and think it doesn’t make sense. But the gut feeling doesn’t go away.
I want to add that I can’t financially afford a baby sitter and no one else can watch him that day. It would break her heart too if I found someone else. Is it a true gut feeling or just anxiety because of postpartum

Answer

If you don't feel. comfortable don't do it. but I don't see any reason not to

Answer

Maybe talk to a professional? It sounds like what you're feeling is a little beyond a reasonable amount of nervousness surrounding your sisters relationship with your baby.

Answer

Trust your gut. My guts kept me alive literally a few times.

Answer

There are many, many irrational thoughts enter our minds all the time.  Especially anxious minds.  Especially hormonal anxious minds. :)
Most thoughts are involuntary.  They just butt in, without your consent.  Plenty of thoughts are meaningless, irrational, stupid, and probably should not be believed.  That’s just normal.
Also- lots and lots of thoughts are highly repetitive.  (To the tune of 90% - I remember a study from years ago showing that some 90% of the things that crossed your mind yesterday will also cross it today). 
The fact that a thought is repetitive does not increase its validity or truthfulness.  Most thoughts are repetitive,.
The problem is, most of us have a hard time recognizing that not all our thoughts are worthy of investing belief in.  
ESPECIALLY when the thoughts are repetitive.  
We just believe in whatever thoughts come in - on autopilot.  Like automatons.  
We take them all seriously.  
No matter the absurdity of them.
When this tendency prompts us towards behavior we KNOW damn well is irrational......... we will often use words like “my gut” or “instinct” to make our decision to trust crazy thoughts seem more justifiable.  
It’s a way of saying that we are being reasonable even when we know we are acting irrationally.  
Like - This is my “gut”.  This is intuition.  This crazy thought that I am having is believable because it comes from my Higher Self.
In the case of your sister, though..... I have no clue whether she’s given you enough reason not to want to leave her in charge your kid.  Maybe she has.
But since you are saying things like “I know I’m being crazy, should I trust my gut?”- that tells me she probably hasn’t.

Answer

I get it.  I have an older sister who I never want to watch my son. she's made some bad choices and is reckless too...shes a functioning adult with a toddler, but I see the choices she makes with her daughter and I don't want my son around that. trust your gut,  love your sis, and maybe things will change down the line.

Answer

I would trust your gut

Answer

Sounds like a tough situation. You know that everything should be fine but you have something in you screaming not to do it. I would say trust your gut. Maybe it is just anxiety and if it is that should pass with time. Maybe don't have her watch your baby right now but down the road when you're not getting anxiety over it she can.

Answer

sounds ash I'd maybe you think less of your older sister if your judging her parenting of her own 2 kids. she has experience under her belt. let her take care of him he will be fine