So I know this is a long story, but I will try to make it as short as possible. My husband and I have been together for 15 years-marries in May 18 for 10. Never broken up since the day we started dating. We have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. He works full time and I am a SAHM. We recently sold our home (mutual decision due to size) and moved to stay with my dad until we found our home. We have always had some issues like all relationships do- mostly over stupid stuff. My main problem has always been the lack of time spent with our kids and me-he'd rather play sports with friends, xbox or watch tv. So yes this has caused hurt,  frustration and resentment from me, which came across to him as hateful,  moody, etc. We've talked about all of these issues multiple times. Things will get better and then we're back at square one. I admit I can do better in being a better wife hands down and have pit him second in too many situations. Well I have felt him pulling away faster in the last few weeks and couldnt take it anymore. So I asked what was up. He replied with he didnt want to talk about it right now before Christmas. But being a woman I had to know what was going on. Keep in mind he had been showing some sneakiness with phone usage etc. I asked if he was cheating he promised no. His sister and mom have both done so too which he fully denies, and usually will admit anything to either if them. He has admitted to talking to a female friend from work about our issues, but only after I found her number on the cell phone usage log. He called her and told her he wouldnt be calling or texting anymore and hasnt as far as I know. But now he's still using his phone in sneaky ways (maybe im paranoid). 

When i first asked  him what was going on he asked me if I was in love with him and could I see my life without him. I told him I loved him but felt like we were falling out of love due to lack of affection on his end.  But could not see my life without him. I have poured my heart and soul out to him the past week pratically doing everything but begging to work things out.  He says he's confused and worried thst things will go back to the way they always have and we'll still be unhappy. After all of this I have realized how much I do love him. I have told him I never regretted saying yes when he asked me to marry him. I have told him Im sorry for ever making him feel unwanted, unvalued, etc. Because he said for a long time he has felt like he was just here for a provider. Like I didnt care if he was here or noy bc unfortunately I did not make enough time for him-admitedly due to the frustrations of not enough time etc.

He and I decided to wait to really deal with things until after Christmas to save peace for our children. And to allow him time to process things. I have tried talking about it since and he gets pissy and doesnt want to talk. Said right now he is taking it day by day and processing things. 

Yesterday I decided to tell him that basically it's time to make his mind up bc I cant keep beating myself up day to day. I asked him after the kids were asleep if he had thought of what I talked about and he said yes a little, but did not elaborate. I tried to talk again late in bed and he blew up and said i was forcing him when all he's asked was time to process things. 

He's giving me major mixed signals. Acting fine until anything is brought up then withdrawing.  He mentioned me needing to get used to his longer hours during the holidays bc with his next promotion he'll be working even more all the time. Then still using our/we/us when speaking. 

I am so confused and so hurt. Broken.  Is he having an early mid-life crisis? Is he really cheating and denying to everyone? Do I keep pushing? Do I give him space? How long do I keep going? 

PLEASE HELP A BROKEN WOMAN TRYING TO SAVE HER MARRIAGE AND FAMILY!!