why do I keep falling ?

help me .. help me feel close to god, I keep drifting away, I haven't attended church in over a year as I found that it wasn't the church for me, I did not feel welcome, it had taken me alot to go there in the first place, the thought of going to another worries me as its going to like the one I used to attend. not only that but I'm a struggling Christian, I keep loosing myself and can't find my way back. I want the faith, I need the faith, so why do I keep falling ?