This may be long, I've been battling internally about whether or not to post anything here but I've got to the point where I feel totally overwhelmed and I need to get something out to others that understand what I'm going through. I need to know I'm not going crazy and I'm not alone. My husband is an i amazing support but it's taking it's toll on him too and I don't want to put any extra stress on him. I had my baby 3 days ago by cesaerean section at 32 + 2 due to placental disease and preeclampsia causing him to not grow properly, thankfully he came out crying and he can breathe on his own, things could be much worse for us I know. He's in nicu because of his gestation and he was only 2lb 5oz, he's too small to feed yet so they're feeding him through a drip and he's already being a little monkey and giving them the run around. He likes to pull at his tubes and wires and screams at them until he gets what he wants. He's amazed me at every step, he's doing so well. I on the other hand am not, I'm sore from my section, I'm tired from being stuck in hospital and I want my little man. He should be with me, it's killing me that someone else has changed his first nappy and is doing everything I should be doing. It kills me that he cries and I can't do anything for him. All I can do is express my milk for him and try to give him the best start. My husband is starting to worry about my mental health and if I'm honest this morning so am I. I'm not coping well, all I want to do when I'm alone is cry. How am I supposed to cope with this? People tell me it's normal because I've had such a traumatic time but I feel like it's taking over me. I just want my baby boy with me.