My second long term ex boyfriend Jordan called me a nigger and a retard all the time and a bitch because I would tell him no and I acted way more mature than him in the relationship. He made fun of me for being abused and put me down about my clothes, my lack of nice big tits, where I got punched in the face, for being transient and for being broke without a car or video games. He made fun of me and called me retarded all the time and he tried to make me jealous by declaring what I wanted to major in as his major, bragging about his car and making fun of me because my dad hit me and I was raped in highschool. He'd call me stupid and retarded because I wasn't allowed to go to college and my parents wouldn't help me and I was working and skinny as a rail. I'm at that point where I feel that I shouldn't go to college anymore because of all the hardships I faced and if all the above wasn't true then he wouldn't have said and done mean things to me. He'd call me stupid and fucking put me down even though I planned date nights and paid for things and he'd make fun of me because my dad abused my mom and I didn't have the luxuries of other people, so what the heck else can I do if he told me that I'm so retarded I should go to retard Miller Motte where the retards go because even at that school which is known for being notoriously easy, I'd still be too retarded to get my degree. I don't think I should go to school anymore or try to get a degree because every man in my life and every long term boyfriend would call me stupid and insult me when I read books and I did decently despite everything going on in school and I was ultra skinny, despite being homeless or transient and not being able to afford medical care. I used to tell myself to keep trying and that I was worth more, but I left Jordan and he called me a nigger and a bitch and put me down and tried to get me into trouble, so what the fuck else options do I have in life if that's all I ever heard from guys when I don't act stupid on purpose or say stupid shit? Meanwhile my friends that failed classes and took drugs got art degrees and got to drink and take drugs. Fucking Pokemon never helped me a day in my life with coping with all the abuse and I'm jusf sick and tired of people telling me to keep trying and leveling up when I'm so beat down and nobody else I know put up with as much shit as I had to. I have known nothing but hurt in my life and I feel that it will never get better. My ex Jordan called me stupid all the time and he made fun of me for playing with Pokemon cards and he put me down for having less options in life and I just can't do it anymore. I've been so hurt and kicked around and even when I was ultra skinny under 100 lbs, he'd bully me and put me down because I'm not a white blonde girl, he'd call me a nigger and hateful names and I can't do it anymore. He'd call me a loser and say I'd be stuck in a rut the rest of my life, so I'm just done. If I'm such a retarded nigger then I surely can't go to college.