I gave birth to our perfect son in November of 2016. My period didn’t return until July of the following year. I had FOUR periods in a month and a half. My cycles were destroyed from breastfeeding. We decided that once I regulated, that we’d start trying. I conceived the following month, in August. Both pregnancies only took one cycle. So I thought I was in luck. From the moment I got my BFP, I knew that pregnancy was different. My body felt “normal” and the baby was measuring nearly 3 weeks behind. When I was 10w/7w (depending on if you went by the scan or my period), I lost my Gramma. It was the worst pain I felt in my life..that is until I flew to be at her funeral. I started having light spotting the day prior to her funeral. But I wasn’t in pain. It seemed like the spotting that everyone claims is so normal. Well, it wasn’t. Immediately from my Gramma’s funeral, my husband to me to the ER. We learned that I lost the baby and based on its measurements, it passed the day we flew to NY. I’ll never forget that day. It’s a blur, yet it’s crystal clear.. I wasn’t hemmoraging, so we chose to fly home early so I could have the D&C; with my doctor. My husband wasn’t with me during the initial IVs, as he had to take our son to the babysitter. I thought I was being strong. I thought I was going to be okay. I wasn’t. I woke up from surgery and was inconsolable. I couldn’t stop screaming, crying, or flailing. My heart felt like it was ripped from my chest. The doctor’s had to sedate me. Once I got home, I was numb. I did my best to move on, but it was difficult. I was waiting for the hospital to let me know when the remains were sent to the funeral home. You see, before my procedure we decided that we couldn’t handle the idea of our baby being treated as medical waste. So no matter how tiny, we were having it cremated. 8 days after my procedure we picked an urn. 14 days after my procedure, we learned that the baby was a healthy little girl. Again, my heart shattered and I couldn’t catch my breath. It’s mortifying walking out of the OB clinic crying because every woman there knows why you’re sad. Yet you have to walk by their big bellies and keep going. Once we named our daughter, we set up an area for her urn. Since then, I’ve been at peace. Our angel had a name. There are days (mostly the milestones) that I breakdown, I wish we could’ve held our daughter.. but now, I’m healed. Emotionally and Physically. It still hurts my heart, but it always will. My first period came back on thanksgiving. I was used to my cycles being clockwork, so when I was late in December I thought, “this is it!” It wasn’t. I started on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>. This cycle I started tracking my BBT out of fear that I’m not ovulating, but I am. And I did. Three days ago. I’m 3DPO and I’m praying hard for our rainbow. We have names picked. I have my idea for announcing to my husband picked. We won’t announce until 15 weeks to ANYONE else because of the heartbreak we experienced having to tell our families that we lost the baby suddenly. We also want time to just take in the idea of another pregnancy and what that can mean. Praying for a sticky, healthy bean ♥️