I just found out that my fiancé has been talking to some chick since baby was 4 weeks old. He’s been very distant from me and I honestly thought it was because his Dad passed away in November. I’m already suffering from ppd and this is just adding to it. He doesn’t know that I know yet, but I think he will soon because I contacted the chick and told her “hey I don’t know if you know that Mike(fake name)is married and we just had a baby.” All she said was I don’t want to get in the middle of all this. I’m completely devastated. I don’t know how to handle this. We’ve been together for 6 years, we were planning on getting married, buying a house. I feel like everything is just going down the drain

***UPDATE***

So my fiancé ended things last night and I’m completely heartbroken. I’m heartbroken for the family we were suppose to be. All the plans we had, for the future. He basically said that he lost himself with the death of his father. That he needs time to find himself again, but he doesn’t know where that will leave us. He is an amazing father and he’s still the love of my life and I can’t help but feel extremely guilty for not being 100% there for him. If I didn’t have ppd then I could’ve been his rock. I’m just so lost right now

***UPDATE***

I want to be with him so bad. I want to go back home and be a family again. How do I deal with all these emotions? He said that maybe we can get back together but that he needs to find himself again. That he just needs time and space to be happy again

***UPDATE***

Baby and I moved in with my parents. My ex and I still keep in contact because of the baby, and that makes it so hard to not think about him. I asked him to try again and I’ll forgive and forget but he said he needs time. I cry myself to sleep every night since this happened. Both his and my birthday are a few days away and this will be the first time in 6 years that we have spent it apart. I honestly feel that baby knows something is going on because he is not his happy self anymore, and when we were in the same room together baby was back to how he was. I just want to go back to last year when I told him I was pregnant. That was the happiest day of our lives besides the birth of our son. I feel so lost

***UPDATE***

I just broke down yesterday so bad. Baby was sick and i kept calling him to come take us to the emergency room. He said he’ll be there as soon as he can but I couldn’t keep seeing baby in pain so I just asked my parents and we went and took him. He showed up and baby just has an ear infection he offered to take us home so I said yes. I don’t what came over me but I just started arguing with him asking to go home. He was just ignoring so I slapped his arm to get his attention and he said now we are done you put your hands on me and this is over. That broke me that literally broke me. I didn’t mean to hit him, we had always said we were never to put hands on each other. I just fucked up, and I don’t know how to handle it I broke down and kept crying because this is not who I am, I am not this person. I dont want to continue feeling like this. I told him to just take the baby and leave me to just throw me away because I feel like trash. He took pity on me and took me back to his place I tried to calm down all the way there. Once we were back at his place we put baby to sleep. And I asked him for forgiveness and he said just come lay down next to him. I did and I can feel he has an erection, I thought nothing of it and just was happy to be in his arms again, even if it could be the last time. But as we keep laying there he keeps pressing it on me and he turns me around and pushes my head towards his penis, so I give him a blow job and then he turns me on my stomach and takes me from behind, he was rough and not like use to be. I didn’t enjoy at all, I didn’t feel love from that. I don’t feel anything at all I feel numb. This depression is killing my spirit not letting me be a good mom a good partner. I’m just so tired of everything