Sorry this is so long!

I used to get along with my in-laws so well. I took my MIL grocery shopping every week. We talked. We laughed. It was easy. I bought a house with my husband, we moved from being around the corner from them to being about 10 miles away. A year and a half later we had a baby. Our son was the first in my family in 21 years. His niece was almost 2 years old when our son was born. I worked very hard to include my in-laws in our sons life because they complained constantly about not being included in their first granddaughters life. I had them at the hospital when my son was born and every day we were there. I gave them keys to my home to come over whenever, and invited them constantly. I visited their home at least weekly if not more when I was on maternity leave. I invited them to dinners, I invited them (and my two BIL, one SIL and niece) to every holiday with my family (before you jump down my throat, prior to even seriously dating I told my husband that I would always be doing holidays with my family because I have family all over the country and different members come in for different holidays and it would be the only time all year I would see them, he agreed and we do see his parents regularly plus their holidays are very small because they don’t speak with their extended family so it ends up being 6 of them vs 20+ on my side, so it’s not that serious) Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>, Christmas. I invited them to come on our first huge family vacation, even offered to pay. They were at the hospital, aside from that, they have declined every single opportunity to be with their grandson for his first anything.

Now the tension, originally my MIL and my mom were going to split watching our son 2 days a week each when I went back to work. Great. I went back when he was 11 months old. Day 1 MIL has him, I text her on my first break just to check in, no response. I expect to see an answer by my next, nothing. She ultimately didn’t respond at all. We had told her his entire schedule for food and naps, he really needed to stay on it so he would sleep at night and not be a terror so I could sleep and have a functioning brain at work. She decided she wanted to do her own thing. When I picked him up he was exhausted and starving. My husband talked to her about it because he was the next to see her in person and he and I are on the same page 100%. Fine. Nothing changes. My FIL had a doctors appointment on a day she was watching him. We asked her to either not go to the appointment (it truly wasn’t an important one) OR if she had to go let us know because my husband had personal time he could take. She told us she wasn’t going. Well, she went, and had her sister come and sit with our son while she was gone. I don’t doubt her sisters capabilities, but she is a stranger to my son, he hadn’t seen her since he was 4 or 5 months old. My BIL lives upstairs and told us a few days later that our son spent the entire time my MIL was gone screaming his lungs out until he finally exhausted himself and fell asleep on the floor in their living room. Do you know what a piece of shit mom you feel like when you have no idea what is going on with your child all day? And then find out the person who you trusted to keep him safe isn’t the person who was with him? Let me tell you, it’s literally the worst feeling on the planet.

On top of all this, we were spending two hours a day driving him to my MIL and picking him up. We live right near our jobs and going to her both ways is completely out of the way. (My mom watches him at our house) So weighing all the facts, my husband and I decided that we would take our son to daycare for the two days he was supposed to be with his mom. We found the best daycare in our area, they had schedules for 1-3-5 days a week with corresponding tuition amounts. One day isn’t enough, 5 days is too many. So we went with the 3 day program. My mom will still have him one day.

We’ve tried discussing this with his parents, so they understand where we are coming from. To our face they say they understand, behind our back, god only knows what they’re saying. Based on how they bashed my BIL/SIL about how they handled my niece and smiled to their face, I’m sure they don’t have very many nice things to say about us. (Another point to make, I don’t want my son to hear negative things about his parents all day and think that’s the appropriate way to communicate, because it’s not)

We posted a picture on Facebook about my sons first Christmas, FIL makes a passive aggressive comment about not being there (even though he was invited and it was 100% his choice not to come, he actually cancelled after about 4 hours of not showing up). we post a picture of my sons first day about my sons first day at daycare, FIL makes a passive aggressive comment about it. My son has a stomach bug, my mom came to visit him and he was very excited to see her, I post a picture, another passive aggressive comment this time from my husbands aunt about our son having two grandmothers. Only one grandmother wants to spend time with him, only one grandmother even asked how he was feeling.

I wanna start snapping at people but I’m really trying to keep my calm here. I’m one comment away from blocking them all, then they would actually have something to bitch about. My husband is pretty pissed, but he’s stuck because he knows if he brings it up they’ll just smile and nod and it won’t make a difference.

I’m feeling like the only way to make them happy (if that’s even possible) is to sign custody over for my son and let them do whatever they want whenever they want. Short of that, I don’t know how to fix this.

I’m the mom, my husbands the dad. We are his parents and we get to make the decisions about our son. We tried our best to include them and it wasn’t good enough. So what do we do now? If you’ve made it this far please give me any advice. Thanks!