Am I just being hormonal or should I be upset?

I’m 35+2 and I’m home alone in pain and my boyfriend is out partying.

Midwife said I can go into labour anytime now as I’ve been having lots of contractions, lost the plug and and a bloody show.

It’s now 3:31am and I’m here tossing and turning in bed while he’s out probably completely plastered.

What if I did go into labor tonight? ... I’d literally have my baby alone and he would miss the birth, or he would be there completely drunk.

I just don’t know how to feel and i know I feel sad.