My Dearest lover,

I look at you and I get lost in the actions of recent past. You look at me and my insides scream "leave me alone" but I smile sweetly. you touch me and I want to scream and slap to ward you off, but I smile sweetly, you promise never again and you swear its the last time, but the bruises just get darker and my mind feels lost. I started to believe its my fault, I cry. and tell myself to change and to stop making this happen, but a lie is a lie and I can't seem to make myself believe it. I gave you my heart and I am trying to build a life with you,hoping and praying we grow and change, but lately I have begun to question our ability to make it. I never thought I would ever fear you but fear is a new close friend. I hang my head in shame for I only allow what I allow , damn myself for the ignorance I allow when it comes to you.