guilt

I suffer ridiculously from obsessive scary thoughts and anxiety over things normal people could never relate. I have really been so anxious lately and have acted out in ways I feel really awful about. I just come across ungrateful, crazy, and selfish b/c I honestly am when I'm battling things out of my control. I am so upset with myself and feeling SO GUILTY. I don't like who I am and I really want to change. I can't undo my actions. please tell me how i can let go of my guilt and move forward! as far as the anxiety, have no clue how to manage it and I can't really say that is is an excuse for me behavior either. I should have had more self control! my life is really good and I have the most patient understanding husband, but mental illness is killing my peace joy and sanity. I feel disappointed with myself in that too! will this illness keep me from conceiving?! the way I feel during these episodes is too awful for words to describe. please leave any advise you have. thanks in advance!