My mental health has long been affected by my parents’ divorce of 4 years. My dad has unfortunately not contacted me for a year besides Christmas and my birthday. Him and I were extremely close, I was always a ‘daddy’s girl’. He was my only form of support and escape, he even let me live with him for 4 months when things were too much to handle with my mum. So when he left me, my mental health completely depleted and sent me spiralling.

While I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I was put on anti depressants and sent into regular psychology sessions. That put aside, my mum has physically, verbally and emotionally abused me for years. My school knows about this, and while they have taken appropriate action in notifying certain organisations and talking to my mum and attempting to support my mental health; it does not stop. Instead, it’ll lessen for about a week after confrontation.

Because of the events of the past year, my school grades have significantly been affected. I know I’m not stupid, I’m far from it, I just find it very hard to perform on such low motivation and a stressful home environment filled with conflict between either my brother and mum or my mum and I. I’m entering my last year of school, in Australia we have something called the HSC; it’s very important and essentially decides what university courses I’m able to take. I am extremely worried, however I have mustered up the motivation and have set goals to attempt an increase in my rankings. I’m currently on a 2 month summer holiday, and truth be told I haven’t done much preparation, mostly due to not knowing what to do.

I can sit with my mum and have a healthy conversation one second and the next (completely unprovoked) she started calling me a ‘dumb cunt’ and tells me I should have dropped out of school as opposed to supporting me. This is a woman who has repeatedly called me fat, ugly, worthless, a dumb bitch, has told me she wish she aborted me, chased me out of the house, thrown things at me, pulled my hair, has kicked down my door, had kicked me out of the house, has locked me in the house, threatened to kill my pets, has hit me on multiple occasions leaving bruises and on several occasions genuinely made me want to end my life.

I don’t want to live with her, but with the absence of my father I have limited options and refuse at the age of 17 and unemployed to go into any child service care. This is something i have only talked to with 1 friend, my school councillor and my psychologist about. I have been struggling for 4 years and I just need help or some encouraging words. I’m scared about my future and amounting to nothing like I’ve been told I will.