My son who died has the same due date as my current pregnancy! 😰

My first son was born 2/3/15 and was due 2/10/15. He was a perfect beautiful baby boy. Perfect pregnancy, delivery, and even slept through the night quickly. He was so happy and loved to be outside. His daycare provider placed him face down for a nap and didn’t check on him, so while I was working I got a phone call from the sitter saying my son was blue and I needed to go to the hospital. After my husband and I made it to the hospital, we saw our son being given CPR to no avail. My screams and cries were heard through out that hospital, I am sure. It’s was thankful to hold him one last time, but it broke my heart to hold him lifeless and eyes glazed over. To watch my husbands heart literally shatter as he held our dead son was mortifying and torture. Shortly after his death, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I couldn’t drive near the hospital or the daycare with out flashbacks that completely took me over. I had screaming night terrors. I heard crying from a baby who was no longer there. My arms ached at his bed time, longing for him. At just over 3 months postpartum I was struggling with postpartum depression and grieving. It was horrific.

Thankfully, my husband and I got pregnant again, we had our second son 7/14/16 and he is a healthy 18 month old.

We have been blessed again, this time with a daughter. My daughter shares the same due date as my first son, and it haunts me. Her due date is 2/10/18 so I am 37W. I am glad panicked. I want her to be born in January. I don’t want her be born the same month or day as her brother, it will be too much like reliving the past. I am just really anxious and sad and worried, yet very excited.

Thanks for reading.

This is my son Leon, this is his picture the morning before he passed away.