My partner of 12 years wants out

I'm gonna be completely honest and expect it in return. My drinking has destroyed my life. when I'm drunk I am mentally verbally and have at times been physically abusive. I know I probably deserve this. I know my actions have consequences. And I know there's no excuse. I lost my job this past June and have been trying to cope with a mentally ill mom. And my partner has been excelling which I'm extremely proud of him. He got a new supervisor job at work and works alot. And I've been not working and drinking. And I've wanted to. stop. I also have bad anxiety and depression. So I can't really blame him for wanting me to leave. I'm devastated. I have no support. system what so ever. I feel very isolated and alone. I'm terrified of my future.