Having a hard time

This may get long, sorry...

So I'm a Momma to 2 beautiful girls. My oldest is now 13 and my youngest was supposed to be 9 as of November 28th, but on October 1st 2010 she went to heaven. It was a tragic accident, but my ex-husband killed my baby girl, who was 22 months at the time. She was the victim of a rollover accident.

In between our two girls I had a miscarriage, which was painful, but to this day I feel like yesterday was the day that I heard my baby say "luv u Momma"...and damn it fucking hurts!! For a little over 2 years now I've been with my boyfriend who is such a sweet and wonderful guy, that I love so much and he really loves me back (not sure my ex-husband ever did). I was diagnosed with PCOS several years ago and endometriosis about 5 years ago and I'm scared I'll not be able to give him the baby that he wants so bad. We've been TTC pretty hard core for about 6 months with no luck, but the bigger problem for me is that I feel like if I do get pregnant it will be unfair to my angel baby. I've been so focused on trying to get pregnant, that I feel like I'm forgetting about Kinlee. I already feel like everyone else has forgotten about her. I miss my girl so bad, but feel like this process is distracting me from missing her...

*and on top of this, I've struggled with mental health issues my whole life, so sometimes reasoning with myself is very hard*