I had a miscarriage a few years back with my boyfriend, and fast forward to last July I had an abortion with the same man. I am extremely depressed and have been feeling rather hateful towards myself. I won't post exactly how I feel, because I don't want to break Glow's rules, but I am no longer myself. Everyday I think of my two babies. And I just don't know how to make this any better. My boyfriend hasn't been the best, but he wasn't impacted the way I was by our losses. One of our losses was when I was rather young, and I don't know how to cope. I have serious PTSD from these experiences. I have dreams where I am getting my abortion again, and because I wasn't put under I can feel all of that pain again. The day immediately after my abortion I was face to face with his cousins new baby, and I couldn't sit her down. And the most wonderful woman wrapped her arms around me, and made me feel like everything was okay. I blame myself for my miscarriage and my abortion. I just need a little help making it by. Thank you all so much.