Yesterday I started losing my baby. I found out on 01/15/2018 that I was pregnant, and confirmed it on 01/17/2018.

My fiancé and I just recently got our own house, where our 3 dogs have a beautiful backyard to play in all day and we have 2 empty rooms.

There was talk this past month about possibly starting to try to conceive in June 2018, hoping to fall pregnant by November 2018...

This pregnancy was unplanned, but NEVER unwanted. I cried tears of disbelief and joy when I saw my first faint positive. I was ecstatic and ran to the store to buy more tests and get my fiancé a card...

Those tests that I bought all came out positive. And even stronger than my first test. I was so happy! Inside the card I wrote to my fiancé: “Everything in life is better with you, and now, inside of me beats two hearts for you. congratulations, daddy💙”

He was so happy. First thing he did was kiss my belly. He already had such big plans for his future baby boy or girl!

And now, we have nothing. Just one week later we have already lost our first baby.

I understand it is a 20-75% chance of miscarriage at 4 weeks in any pregnancy, but why is it that the people who don’t even want kids and abuse drugs throughout their pregnancy get to have full term healthy babies? And then they usually go on to neglect and abuse those kids...

But why is there ladies like me who never even got to have one day with their babies and prove what amazing mothers they would be?

And why is there men out there that become fathers and claim they don’t want anything to do with the child, when there are men like my fiancé who are prepared and more-than-willing to move mountains for their child?

I know there will never be an answer for this, but it’s just something that blows my mind. I am so sorry for any couples that have lost babies they so badly wanted. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone.