"First time"

My first time wasn't really or shouldn't have been my first time I was a little girl I would say it started when I was about 8 or 9. My oldest brother he made me have sex with him and give him oral and after he would make me drink orange juice and tell me to go play. it went on for a while I have a lot of sibling but it was only Me and my older sister since we was the two oldest. it went on for a while but he was always locked up for something he did but when he came out he always came to me and would sneak into my bed room at night. I told my mom she didn't believe me so nothing was ever done about it. one night my mom had him come sleep over the house and be tried to come in my room at night I knew to lock the door but somehow he got it open and wanted sex and oral at this time I was about 16 years old and I told him no that I wasn't going to do it and how he's my brother and he shouldn't be doing that to me. that was the last time but he always wants to come around hang out smoke weed all that but I'm just not comfortable and he gets mad. I'm in a relationship now I'm 21 29weeks and let's just say I wasn't going down the right path I skipped school dropped out I would have sex with anyone who " I was with" when they asked or pulled my pants down. I got called a hoe in school. I hated life I had my son at 17 I was with the dad my first relationship for about 3 years he cheated I broke up with him and moved out of state. I just wasn't in the right place I felt like a hoe for how many people I was with. then I moved back home met my boyfriend we been together 2 years and I'm 29 weeks and he makes me feel amazing I love him so much I finally had the guts to tell him what I went through I never told my son's dad and I think that's why he cheated because I didn't like to be touched anymore I didn't want sex I was depressed I didn't open up to him. so I wanted this to be different once I knew how much I felt for him. I told him what happened hes always wondered why I needed the bedroom door locked why I would shut my self down why I didn't sleep at night or constantly woke up in the middle of the night and not talk to him but he's always tries his best to be there and when I told him he was so upset. he likes to be rough in the bedroom and he thought he was making me rethink about it. but I told him how I loved him and it was different I want to do more but just didn't know how to express it or how it would make me feel. but we took it slow made sure I was completely comfortable with it and now I feel like we have the best relationship and it's helping me get through all of it because I have him by my side I don't have to apologize when I have my bad days. he was mad one day he showed up at my house ( my brother ) and I didn't know it was him so pretty much he came in my house and wanted to smoke I said I was leaving my man of course introduce himself and they talked for a bit and he left. when I told him he was the brother I was talking about he was so mad about it because he didn't know and he was friendly with him ect. but now I just don't talk to my brother esp now that I have a little girl growing inside me I don't want him around her he stresses me out and I just don't feel comfortable and my man was okay with it but my mother wasn't saying he never did such a thing. smh but I can now say I'm doing much better with the help of my wonderful boyfriend