My boyfriend (ex) started dating February 1st 2017. Before him I was with another guy for about 10months and when we broke up, I rebounded a lil and got over him then met the guy I was recently dumped by. I was living w my father at the time w got together (I’m 17 he’s 18). My father and stepmom are pretty awful people and I wasn’t safe in the home. I had always been out in the ghetto and got depressed living in fear all the time that my fathers anger would get too much (I don’t want to explain, but it’s not very hard to guess) I started taking a lot of pills a lil before my ex and I got together. We were both very different people in the beginning of our relationship and it wasn’t very deep of a connection between us. Fast forward to April, I OD’d on the pills I was abusing and put in a mental sanctuary after I got out of the hospital. Once I got out, I saw my boyfriend and had a long talk and both decided to became sober and got very close. Our relationship was so amazing after we got our shit together and we had sex for the first time in early may (IT WAS AMAAZZZINGGGG) he was my everything and nothing else mattered. In June I got to live with my grandmother, finally leaving the terrible home in which I was living in with my father. I had my boy❤️. What we had was just unexplainably perfect. He knew me better than I knew myself and was respectful and knew exactly what I needed before I did. We argued here and there as relationships are called to do but we always got through them. . He moved to Nevada (we lived in Oklahoma when we got together) it was so hard but we made every text and phone call worth it and went strong many moths after he moved. A few months later in September I found old Snapchat msgs between him and another girl in March while we were together. (Flirting and sexual convos) it hurt so bad to see but him and I were different people then and weren’t like we had become. The issue was, he was very controlling and was always overthinking the worst things of me after he moved and after all the hell he gave me for him overthinking that I’d cheat I find out he did Although it was early on so I was able to somewhat move on from the incident while we took a lil break but stayed together while doing so. Things got really hard and we broke up, took a break for about 3weeks -“and started being us again without the relationship title

We were basically together, said I love you and didn’t have hoes and still had wonderful phone sex🔥🔥. Over Xmas I saw my ex, to catch up and I never got to explain to him about me and the drugs I did towards the end of our relationship, I owed him an explanation and we had some dead conversations and parted our ways. Then my boyfriend(basically, but were just scared to the title) gets furious and automatically assumes the worst of me and we argue like crazy. Him and I have a huge issue w the word “bye “ and like when we ended a phone call we’d just say I love you and I’ll talk to you later bc “bye” was disrespectful and depressing to us. In January 2018, he’s says bye, meaning he’s done. After a year of fighting for one another he just walks out on us. It’s been weeks now and I can’t get over him. It hurts so much, I haven’t gone maybe an hour during the day without just crying hysterically and hyperventilating. He’s talking to someone else and is trying to move on and it’s just a huge slap in the face. I don’t understand how after everything he can just leave and start things w someone else so soon. I hav no friends (bc of how controlling he was, but I didn’t mind at the end bc all I needed was him) I don’t know how to cope, I just can’t handle this. I’ve taken pills again and he stills calls to check on me as I just ball my eyes out and apologize to him but it doesn’t seem to really phase him like he says. The lil fling he’s in right now, he says isn’t real and doesn’t mean anything. I don’t get it, how can he do this. I’m just falling apart. I get so sick to the point of vomiting and I can’t eat very much at all. He keeps telling me to move on and really try to, When I think of it I just get these panic attacks and so disgusted at the thought of it. I’m to the point of just being numb through the day and balling anytime I’m left to the thoughts in my head. I’m just so tired of this feeling and hurting so bad and it just hurts so much worse to see that he’s not. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m back to the way I was at the beginning of our relationship but only worse, I try so hard to not take the pills but it’s all I can do to stop myself from ending my life, although my liver is slowly failing do to me over dosing in April . I’m done I’m ready to give up, he’s gone and w him I am too. I’m lost