Every relationship I have ever been to has been unsuccessful. I’ve been in two and I don’t think I’ll ever find my true soul mate.

My first one was with a boy I really loved. We were together for about 7 months and I really put care into him. I bought him what he needed, cared for him so much, gave him help when he needed it. I cared about him so so much even though he didn’t care about me this much. He started acting weird and seeing other girls and even tried messaging my friend. For some reason, I loved him so much that I couldn’t get angry at him for it.

This was from when we were together and he decided to leave me. He used me for sex. This was because he said to me that he likes having a lot of girls to “be with and fuck around with” and left me and basically told me that we can still “do things” and its funny because he said this after sex. Btw a bird is basically a girl in British language. Wow, I really loved him. Even when I left him and knew he cheated on me throughout my relationship and I found out he tried messaging my best friend. There was something about him that I couldn’t get over. I don’t know what it was, and I still don’t, but I still loved him. I fall for people and get attached to people so easily. Love the people I shouldn’t, cry for the people I shouldn’t, care for the people I shouldn’t as they don’t care about me. This boy, I was addicted to him, until I found someone else. This new boy made me get over him. He told me not to worry about everything and was able to care for me. And so I started to forget about my ex after a month or two and we fell in love.

A few weeks into our relationship he started to care less, even though I gave him all the love and all the care in the world. I spent money, time and love on him, like I did with my ex. But some reason he started to care less. He started getting comments on his Instagram photos from other girls. I know, not that bad, but he would reply to them with x’s and hearts and all. This upset me. He started hanging around with one girl in particular.

Today, today I messaged him and just look.

Hes ignored me for quite a while now. I’ve always helped him, with people, his education, money, and everything. So why is he doing this? He helped me get away from my ex and this is what happens. I’m in tears I’m heartbroken and I look like a crazy girlfriend as I’m still in love with him and still in soooo many tears. At the moment he’s like an addiction, I can’t get away from him. He’s like a drug I’m addicted to. I just can’t leave him. I really can’t. I’m scared, hopeless and I will never find love. Because for me, love isn’t something that’s there. For me love is bullshit and its a fucking fantasy. Some of you have found your love, and please, I beg you, please please don’t lose them, don’t lose that love you have by doing silly things. I don’t know what I’ve done but I mustve done something wrong in both relationships. And god, I hate myself. I’ve been so suicidal from such a young age and some of you must read this and think of me as a fool for being suicidal over a boy. But trust me, I loved him, I loved them both. But why me?

Fuck love, I’ll never find it.

I’m just the hopeless one who overreacts I guess