1st year of marriage...

I would have given anything to have a "honeymoon phase". I am so jealous of couples who get that. my father in law died tragically a month before our wedding. my husband lost his mind. I felt guilty for enjoying our wedding. got pregnant 2 months after getting married (I am messed up so we weren't using any protection... surprise!) but it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. I feel like I can't move on now. I wanted kids after a couple years, but now since the pregnancy I can't stop thinking about it. husband is dead set against it. but my heart aches... and to top it all off, he couldn't care less anymore. I get put on the back burner to everything else. ugggghhh. I feel like I'm going insane.