feeling defeated..

Shandel

AF is due in 3 days and I haven't been feeling any different other than extremely painfully breasts and nipples. I also am super sensitive, like I cried over being locked out of my car today and had to break into my house 🙄 but anyway I'm now spotting brown with tiny tiny clots in it.. I don't want to test and feel even more defeated but I've been trying for 5 months and nothing still.. I know some women try much longer than this but I can't help but feel like it's because of my body or my partner because he smokes weed all the time and has been for 8 years but says he won't test his semun because nothing is wrong with him. I don't know what to do or how to feel at this point. 😔