I got in a relationship with my first boyfriend super young, I was 13 (turned 14 a week into our relationship) he was a few months older. I was a virgin and he was already very sexually active. So he was my first. We were together for almost 3 years. Broke up right before I turned 16 I think? I’m 18 now. So it was quiet a bit ago We also had a son, I had him when I was 15.

Anyways some things have been bothering me a lot lately, I was super young and naive at the time so I didn’t think “rape” in a relationship was a thing. Obviously now I know that and I can’t believe I ever thought it wasn’t.

I’ve never liked going down on someone. He was the first person I ever did that to and I just never liked it. He would constantly tell me if I didn’t do it he would find someone who would, I of course did it because he was my “first love” and I didn’t want him to leave because I loved him and wanted to show him I could do it.🙄 He was like that all the time.

Then when it came to sex there would be a few times I would constantly tell him No but he would do it anyways then at the end said I obviously didn’t mean saying no because I “ended up enjoying it” He would constantly pressure me into anal to the point that I just finally gave in so he would just stop. I was extremely pressured by him when it came to stuff like that. Then he would say that I “ended up enjoying it” so it was okay.

We actually ended up leaving each other because he was emotionally and physically abusive. So I took my baby and left. He has now moved on, has a new girlfriend, and new baby, and we have no contact with each other. He doesn’t even see our son. Which doesn’t bother me because I’d rather not have him around..

It’s just this stuff has bothered me for quite sometime and I basically just pushed it aside. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about it? Because nobody knows what I went through sexually, my mom and my best friend knew he physically and emotionally abused me but they didn’t know about the sexual part because I just wasn’t comfortable with opening up about that. I wasn’t even comfortable opening up about the other stuff but I had to because they were the ones who would come rescue me when it got bad.

**During the sex I would most of the time keep telling him to stop, or I just got over begging him to quit so I’d just lay there and wait until it was over, there were a few times where I’d actually start crying and he still wouldn’t quit. Also I regretted it when it was happening, and still do. But I just thought that I was “supposed” to do that with my boyfriend, like I said I was really young and dumb.