​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Today my son would have been 3 years old... on 2.3.15 at 39 weeks I gave birth to Leon Dustin at 10:23am in a Naval Hospital in Virginia.

He was my husband and my first baby together, I have a stepson.

He was 6lbs 9oz and 20 inches long. He had a beautiful smiled and loved to be outside. He was a great eater, sleepers, and very content and happy baby.

On 5.14.15, I received a call from his daycare saying my son was blue in the face and EMTs were called. The provider stuck his pacifier in his mouth and laid him belly down for a nap, and didn’t check on him until he missed a bottle... I got my husband off the ship (we were both on active duty at the time) and we raced to the hospital to meet the EMTs. When we got to the hospital we found a team of 8 doctors working urgently and frantically with our 3 month old baby boy. His body was gray, adrenaline needs stick out of him, wires everywhere, my poor baby. We ran to him, I saw his glazed over beautiful ocean blue eyes, and cried to him to come back to me, I begged him to just breathe, to take a breath. I held his cold hands and kissed his cold head and I knew my baby boy wasn’t coming back. After hours of medical intervention the doctor called the time of death. I beg that they not, but they have done all they could do. They picked up my lifeless son and let me hold him. I kissed him and cried and held him close. He was so cold and didn’t smell like his baby self. I handed him to my husband to hold, and I as I did.... his could see his heart shatter. We just could understand how our beautiful healthy baby boy was just gone.

That was the day I became a bereaved mom. 3 months and 11 days postpartum, covered in pregnancy stretch marks, with a full diaper bag, and an empty car seat.

Three years later, it stills hurts just as bad... however I have learned I can still be a mommy to Leon. I make him beautiful toy bouquets for his grave, I tell my kids about him and we have pictures everywhere, for his birthday we buy gifts for him and donate them to the pediatric cancer ward, for his angel-versary we release butterflies or write letters to him on a ballon and release it, on Christmas we buy toys for him and donate them to Toys for Tots. I can still be his mom by keep his memory alive.

I love you. I will always miss you. My little Leon. ❤️

We created a toy bouquet for his birthday!