2 MC Now Husband Doesn’t Feel Ready

I’m going to be 30 next month and neither of us have children. Hubby and I been together 8 years. I think its time for a baby. He agreed that I should stop the pill because we know it could take a while to get pregnant. I got pregnant right away and miscarried in October. My husband immediately asked the doctors how soon we could try again. In January we were given the ok to try again and I had a chemical pregnancy. We were both excited and then heartbroken again. Im now going to a reproductive specialist to see if there’s a reason for 2 losses in a row. I finally feel positive again and like I’ll be monitored closely enough next time that I won’t go through a 3rd. I haven’t talked to DH about it much because I don’t like the idea of “trying” and putting pressure on him to perform. I use OPKs and PreSeed but he doesn’t know it. Not that he’d be upset if he knew, just think it’ll make him feel weird about why I’m coming onto him. Anyway, it’s been a few days since my appointment with the reproductively specialist, and yesterday my fertility window began (he doesn’t know nor did I initiate anything, but I am excited that I have a shot this month now) and he told me he doesn’t feel ready for a baby now. He had a ton of reasons... he doesn’t want the baby to change our relationship, he wants to be able to work more so we can have money to buy things we want (he grew up poor and feels he’s finally going to he able to have things but if we have a baby he won’t get to do that), he’s worried that we won’t have time together like we used do now, he’s worried I’ll neglect him, he’s worried about literally everything and admits that it’s all selfish reasons. After talking to him last night and this morning about how fertility issues increase with age, and how I’m afraid that if we wait I’ll have to suffer with infertility and more miscarriages later on, he decided we should just do it. I worry now he will resent me and the baby. He says he won’t and that he knows he’ll be a good dad. I don’t know what to think.. like was he having all these irrational fears because the reality of being a dad came when i got pregnant the first 2 times? Or are they legitimate fears he has and he doesn’t really want kids? I found out at our engagement party 2 years ago during a game that he wants 3 kids. That surprised me, I always thought he wanted 1 or 2 tops. He also is very involved in boxing and jujitsu, and during the first pregnancy he talked so excitedly about buying little jujutsu outfits and teaching his son how to roll. I thought it was cute and his excitement seemed genuine. Now I’m stuck. I feel like if we do try, I’m going to worry he’ll be unhappy and if we don’t, my fertility issues will only get worse and I’ll go through another d&c; or something... or worse!

Sorry this is so long.. I’m looking to hear from others in similar situations and hear how it turned out and your thoughts 💭

Thanks in advance


I asked DH if it’s because he’s scared if another MC and he said “that’s part of it. Getting all excited and then getting let down and seeing you be all depressed”

I told him this time we’ll be monitored though and the reproductive specialist may be able to prevent a MC if there is something wrong along the way.