What to say to my friend who is struggling with fertility?!

Question

I just had my second child, my friend just suffered a miscarriage. She came to visit which I am so sure was so hard for her. 
I know she wanted to stay positive and light but wanted to talk about how to get pregnant. 
She is on treatment right now and was in alright but we will be going out to lunch soon.
I felt like everything I said was a bit insensitive, and I struggled a bit getting pregnant the second time. I remember how horrible it felt every time that pregnancy test read negative. I can’t imagine going through it for years. 
So how do I comfort her, so I just listen and shut up?

Answer

Nothing. You say nothing except “I am here for you and I will listen to whatever you have to say”. No one can understand how she feels or say anything to ease her struggle other than “you’re pregnant!”
Trust me. As someone who struggled to get pregnant and has had friends who also struggled, we all agree, all you want is a listening ear, not a solution. 
Tell her you love her and are always there to support her and if she wants, to be a girlfriend and distract her for a few hours by doing something fun! 
And it’s okay to be happy you’re pregnant and talk about it when she asks! I was always genuinely happy for my pregnant friends and it only made it worse when they would say they didn’t want to share things in fear of making me upset.

Answer

I am going through the same thing my best friend since I was 4 just had a full hysterectomy and just finished chemo and now she's going into radiation next week😑 it's really sad because she has no children she was married to a man that was sterile for 20 years divorced him. Remarried and was trying to have a baby when she found out she had cancer. And I feel so selfish because I already have three beautiful children and I'm trying for my fourth.

Answer

I don’t think there’s much you can say to make it better, but being supportive helps. Both of my best friends got pregnant with their second when I was going through IVF. They listened, let me cry and didn’t ask for too many details. They said things like “if you ever need anything, I’m here” or “I’ll be crossing my fingers for you.” 
My advice would be the things to NOT say. “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” “It’s all in God’s plan.” “Your turn will come.” “Just relax and it will happen.” “Maybe it’s just not the right time for you.” And so on! 
The fact that you are empathetic enough to ask this question shows that you get it and you will be fine. Your friend is lucky to have you!

What to say to my friend who is struggling with fertility?!

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