Attachment issues?!

Question

Hey guys. Just wondering if anyone is experiencing the same thing. Since moving in with my partner 2 years ago I believe I'm experiencing separation issues. Unfortunately we lost a baby very close into moving in together (before living together we had a long distance relationship for quite a while) so I had to take time off of work to heal ect. Since then I have been chopping and changing jobs, I am currently starting my 5th job this weekend in the 2 years I have been living here. It's as if I can't settle, and I get really bad anxiety about leaving my
Fiance to go to work. I work nights and he works days. I believe I am too attached to him to the point where it is not healthy. I rely on him for every day things. I can't go to the shops without him there, I need his advice and opinion about EVERYTHING before actually doing it. I have no friends left, as I would prefer to stay in with my partner then go out and be sociable on my own. Work is my main concern, as I have left us in debt because of it. Now I'm starting this new job tomorrow and my anxiety is through the roof. I will not see him at all over this weekend and it's ruining the excitement of this new job/chapter. It would be nice to hear if I'm not the only one on this, or if I am I need some stern words of advice!!!!

Answer

How old are you? I'm not asking to be judgmental, I just think the answer I would give a 16 yo and the answer I would give a 35 yo is very different.

Answer

Ok you first have to breathe and exhale lol its ok....i thibk loosing the baby may have you scared thinking you may lose him too because you lost the baby maybe?? He wont leave you hes probably more hurt than you but you are so needy and dependent of him he may thino its too much to share with you. You by yourself need to seek counseling...your body healed but you have not mentally its ok i had to do the same thing miscarriages are devastating at any stage of pregnancy....you dont want to become a nusense to him you dont want to smoother him with all your luggage of anxiety this will start to weigh on him men strong but they can only take so much of our emotional baggage before they become fed up and turned of by it. Let the thought of not seeing him for the weekend excite you send sexy text leave some what immaa do to you when i get home notes around the house that he  would find while youre away instead of stressing...cause im sure he gone be happy ..men dont say much but once he up to his wits with your anxiety and needing him for every single thing hell snap and you wont understand why. good luck to you

Answer

A great book that might help you is Facing Codependence. You may simply be leaning more heavily on him because of the instability in your professional life. It may be putting unnecessary pressure on him, though, and obviously you are uncomfortable about it. You'll feel a lot happier if you can rely more on yourself for happiness and security.

Answer

Yeah, this isn't healthy. If you're experiencing some anexity issues, maybe you can speak with someone. I think it's important to maintain some independence while in a relationship. I love being with my husband, but sometimes I need to get in my car and go for a few hours, and that's ok! You stated you're in debt bc of the job hopping...hmmm it's time to be responsible and starting digging yourself out of the debt you created.  Then maybe find a job so you guys can be on the same shift.

Answer

I'm struggling with this too... My SO and I recently re-located, and it's been harder to adapt than I thought. I hate leaving my SO's  side (even to go to work), and I won't go anywhere without him. Which of course means I'm not really socializing. .. it's been very hard and a surprise to me. But I don't want to suffocate him, or sell myself short so what I've been forcing myself to do is every weekend drive to one new place (even if it's some store on the other side of town). My SO thinks it's working, I'm not sure yet, but I sure do hope little by little I get a little stronger with my separation anxiety.

Answer

Ok your right this isn't healthy.  You need to make yourself let go a bit before you smother your guy.  
Why do you work different shifts?  That is hard on any relationship.  If you can find a job where you work the same hours that might make it easier for you to go to work.  
Also you desperately need to get yourself some friends.  Reconnect with the ones you lost or go somewhere to find new friends.  
You need to let go of him and relearn to stand on your own.  Force yourself to go somewhere without him.  Go to a clothing store and buy yourself a new shirt without him there.  You can do this you just do not want to.  But if you never make yourself, he is going to get tired of carrying you and leave.

Answer

I'm 23, my partner is almost 31. Thank you for replying both :) but to be honest I can't help but blame him a little bit for how it has turned out. I know for a fact he loves the fact that I rely on him so much. I moved away to be with him and live miles away from friends and family. I was your average 20 something going out partying socialising, and he told me this is something he didn't like about me and told me to tone it down a bit. Which I did (as would anyone getting into a new relationship). If I mention I'm popping to the shops would he like me to pick anything up, his reply would be 'just wait until I get home from work and we will go together'. We work separate shifts due to my insomnia, I can't sleep at night and struggle to get up in the morning a, so I work nights as they are the only thing that suits me. I will make a change, I won't rely on him so much. I am even thinking of joining a yoga class that is local, make new friends, start my own life. My partner has 2 kids from a previous relationship also so some weekends I have to stay at home (being the only driver) looking after them whilst he goes to work :(

Answer

I do understand somewhat. We lost our baby two months ago at full term. I'm fine when my bf is home or when we go out together usually. But my anxiety gets the best of me when I go somewhere without him. I used to be very independent. I'm hoping once I go back to work things with change. Best of luck to you

Attachment issues?!

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