I’m 2 weeks PP. I don’t feel like myself. I had a sudden unplanned c section with my daughter. She’s absolutely perfect and I love her endlessly. I had my son April 2016, and I got ppd with him. During my pregnancy with my daughter I was put on antidepressants I felt fine during my pregnancy.. after I had my daughter I was fine in the hospital and fine the first week home, I felt normal, i recovered great from my section and I wanted to get out and go places with my husband and daughter. But Monday hit, and my husband returned to work. Now I don’t feel happy, I feel like crying. I feel like a failure to my son cause a lot of my attention is to my new baby plus I can’t lift him and do things until i’m fully healed from my c section. My mom is helping a ton with him while my husband is gone at work. I find myself laying in my room with just me and my newborn. I don’t have the drive to get up, eat, or anything. All I want to do is just lay around or just sit in the recliner and stare at the tv. My daughter is awake from around 9 pm at night until 5 am.. her days and nights are totally mixed up and I get no rest. I don’t want to go see family or friends. My husband knows something is off but I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to admit I have baby blues, or even worse, ppd (again). I keep telling myself I have 0 reason to be down in the dumps considering I have 2 healthy beautiful babies plus a wonderful mother and husband to help me. But my antidepressants just aren’t working, I don’t want to go through ppd again, why can’t I just have a child and feel normal. I want to be the happy mom that is just not a failure like I feel like I am.. everything seems like It just sucks. I’m tired, depressed and feel so lonely when I know i’m not. What can I do to kick this stuff before it gets worse? My husband is going to be devastated (not in a bad way) when I tell him because he always told me he would try his best to help me through things and not get to this point again in my life. Now I feel like i’m letting him down. I just need advice, anything to help me get rid of this and feel better. My mom looked at me today and asked if I had ppd again, I said i dont know why? She said you just look so sad all the time. As i’m sitting here typing this, i’m doing my best to hold in tears because she’s sitting here with me watching tv.. I don’t like to cry in front of people. I feel trapped in my own body and mind like I’ll never feel good again, but I know in my heart this is temporary.. i by no means have any thoughts to hurt my kids, that would never happen. I feel like they deserve better than me.. they are wonderful. It’s just me, i’m just completely screwed up mentally and emotionally. And it sucks. So so so bad. Just please gibe me some advice to get rid of this, anything.. a lot of these feelings started when my daughter got her days and nights confused, i’m deprived of sleep and feel like things will never get better. I want to feel normal again. I miss it so much, just being able to talk, laugh, and be my normal self. I feel like i’m drowning in my own body. And i’m terrified this will only get worse instead of getting better..