I'm tired of being fat.. help

Okay depressing post ahead ...

I have hit the highest weight I have ever. 180 if not more. I have tried to eat right and workout more, but I feel like I GAIN weight every time. I was personal trainer, and I know the ins and outs of nutrition and fitness, but it's like I don't practice what I preach.

I'm happy, I like myself, I think I'm a great human. But I want to lose weight so bad. And I just don't know how to really get it in my head that if I just put forth the effort, I could reach my goals by the end of the year...

Anyone else struggle..?