TTC. Miscarriage. TTC. & being a step-Mum

I live with my partner and his son. Currently going through a custody battle with whether his sons Mum can take him out of the country; has been going on for over a year now.

So, me and my partner decided to try for our own child last year October and fell pregnant straight away. Unfortunately, had a missed miscarriage 8wks1 at our 12 week scan.

Whilst pregnant I was extremely stressed. Overworked. My mum created a few issues. My partners nan was also creating stress for me. My partner was in a world of his own; I asked him to keep it quiet until we knew everything was okay and he got annoyed and told people anyway. He suddenly started drinking more. Wanted to be out all night. Came in twice absolutely out of his head throwing up. One of these times was around the time the pregnancy ended. I ended up in the hospital with severe pain; he was nowhere around.

The horrible result of that is having to grieve in the spotlight. Also during this time came the stresses of my stepsons lazy mother and her picking and choosing how involved she was. I was of course extremely tired and needed to rest and it was just never allowed to because there was always an issue.

The hardest thing about this whole situation is, I felt like I was doing it right. I focused on my career, which I loved and still do. I had a place of my own. Loved and travelled a little with friends. When I got with my partner I realised I wanted kids. It seems like I’m living to cater everyone else’s needs?

My stepsons mum has had countless abortions and has just had another hold with another guy she can’t even afford to take care of so relies on her parents; she had to do the same with my step son.

Everyday I dedicate my life to my stepson and I feel like I am being punished with all the chaos everyone else creates around me?

I’ve experienced a lot but the loss of my baby and he circumstance around it has made me feel the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. 😢

Sorry - haven’t actually written it down or anything. Feel better for doing it.