am I a bad WIFE if

I want to be with another person. me and my husband constantly fight and when I want to leave he guilt trips me and makes me feel bad and I just want to be happy. I want to feel appreciated and loved again. No matter what I do I'm cheating on him. even when I'm at home laying in my bed. he doesn't allow any guys on my facebook and it has to be private. if I don't at least have a picture of him he thinks I'm cheating and have another guy. I may sound very selfish but please understand guys, that I am seriously stuck with what to do. it's not just about wanting to be with someone. it's about how I need advice on what to do. leaving is not an option because he refuses to even agree to a divorce. I know he will refuse to sign papers if anything.