Please let this clomid round work. It’s round 4 and I’m starting to wonder if you think I’m not ready to be a mommy yet.

In this last week four of my friends have announced their babies. I can’t help but admit I’m a little jealous. Are you taking your time with me? You’ve already made it challenging with PCOS. Dear God, I’m sorry for sounding angry. It’s just frustrating to go through months of hormones and pills and still see the red spotting in my undies every month like clock work. More BFNs than I can count. I guess maybe I should be grateful. At least I’m producing eggs, ovulating.

Dear God, please help me conceive this cycle. I only have these 3 months left of clomid and I’m starting to get worried. If I’m ovulating but not conceiving is it just not meant to be?

I’ve already lost one early on, back when I was very unready. Unsteady. I don’t blame you for taking them away from me. But now I am in love and stable and happy and healthy and I long to hold my baby in my arms. To teach her to sing and laugh and dance and love. I long to see my husband look into our child’s eyes. To hold them as he holds me.

Dear God, are you listening? I know you have your plans, but I am ready... Dear God, make this my month. Please God, give me my baby