off my chest

Cassidy • 21 and mommy of 2! ❤

so ladies.. I have a boyfriend of almost 5yrs.. we have 2 beautiful girls together. Anyways...weve recently been talking about getting married.. no were not engaged. But this morning I told him if I'm coming on to strong and making him feel obligated to tell me.. well he told me I was making him feel obligated and marriage is just s piece of paper

well last night I got a weird feel I should go threw his phone but realised he's singed out of his gmail so his history can't come up.. so I went on his Insta and saw he looked up atleast 3 or 4 girls he's not even following. mind you I know a few and we had problems a few months ago about him looking up naked girls and shit.. I was hurt....obviously, i mean who wouldn't be. I haven't said anything. But I always try and make plans for us to go out, just me and him to get away and have our time since were always home. ibe tried to go out 3 times in the last month maybe and had someone to watch our girls. and we were ganna go but he literally always cancels last minute right before I start getting ready. I'm seriously soooo annoyed.. he does this all the time. also he hasn't been working since the beginning of January and I'm at SAHM cause he wanted me to be. and as far as I know he ghosted the manager twice when asked to come in... so we haven't had money. Seriously tho guys....what the fucking fuck!

I feel like I'm over exaggerating but he'll freak out if I even look up another dude to show him a meme or something they posted. like brrruuuuuhhh I'm seriously sooooo annoyed. plus when we have time to chill and relax together this dude turns his back towards me and basically ignores me till i repeat my damn self like 4xs.. literally. but when the girls are crying and figgting with each other or bot listening he claims we never do this or this together or it just be us going out... like ive tried numerous times.

what do I do...forreal. I swear I try and make him the happiest but obviously I'm not doing it right.. I swear he's a hermit and doesn't like to leave the house.