Currently 6wks+2. My family knew during week 4. This week, I couldn’t hold it in because I wanted people to keep their damn laryngitis to themselves and know why I’m tired and sick and grumpy, so I told my coworkers. Each of them so happy to see me smile after the last two months.

My dad passed away very unexpectedly of a heart attack 2 months ago today. He was the best, hardest working, funniest, most caring guy I knew. I adored my dad. We all did. He and my mom had been married 42 years and had a wonderful, simple life. The life I hope for.

My mother in law did drive me to my parents house that night from 45 minutes away because I knew I couldn’t drive myself safely and my husband was on the road. However, once the funeral was over, before even leaving the luncheon, she stood over my mom’s shoulder and bitched to my husband about the fact that he planned to make deviled eggs for Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> at his grandmas and that’s HER thing. Really? Here and now? Could you at least not be standing right next to my mom bitching about eggs when she just lost her best friend?

She has always tried to monopolize our time during holidays and my parents have always been so gracious and understanding. This year, we had told her prior to his passing that we would not be seeing her on Christmas Day. She gets Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>. (This is when their family dinner has always taken place) Well, a narcissist simply can’t accept that. She was texting all day asking if we were coming over and guilting us. WE BURIED MY DAD A WEEK AGO. THIS IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE HARDEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. THERE WERE PRESENTS HE’D WRAPPED UNDER THE FUCKING TREE! I don’t care who is at your house. I want to be with my family.

There were several other occurrences similar since then where it’s been all about her. She’s shown zero empathy. If I tried to talk about him or how I was feeling, she would cut me off and change the subject. Luckily, my husband is finally starting to see what a narcissist she is and agrees that we will wait to tell her. I wouldn’t care if we never saw her again TBH. She’s the worst.

As for my friends, I haven’t heard from them other than snapchats about how some Marvel movie makes them cry or about how they baked a cake. Not once in two months have either of them asked me how I’m doing. I didn’t want to go out the Saturday before Christmas but we’d had it planned for a month so I went. They didn’t even acknowledge it. A song came on at the bar that made me immediately cry and they just ignored it. They told my husband to go handle me like it was embarrassing to them that I would have that reaction. I wasn’t even loudly sobbing or making a scene. I covered my face and I paid for my beer and tried to hold it in as best I could. (Who TF plays “The Dance” by Garth at a bar on a Saturday while people are trying to have fun?)

These past two months have been the lowest, darkest days of my life and you don’t care. Please forgive me if I don’t leap at the chance to tell you my good news.

Ughhh dreading it!