Getting over cheating

How do you do it? How do you get over the anger, hurt and confusion?

He had an alternate email and when he would go out of town for work he would use dating sites and Craigslist to try to sext with women. He only did it while he was out of town and said it was just for masturbation because he liked the interaction over just porn. What I found didn’t look like it was just for sexting... (ex. Sharing where he is staying and talking about meeting up for dinner). He said it was all just to get a response and if he was so shy about holding my hand and kissing me when we first met do I really think he could let a stranger into his room. No, but did I ever think he would do something like this either?

He would tell them he was married which reduced many responses and he said most didn’t lead anywhere. He told me he has been doing this off and on for the past three years. He would feel remorse and stop doing it for awhile but the last time he signed up for a dating site was December, the last time he went out of town...

He has mentioned sexting with me before but it was like a casual conversation to me not like out right “I would like to try to start sexting”. I didn’t think I would be any good at sexting and I am also very private and worry about sharing things or having anything like that online. I told him all he had to do was talk to me about his need and I would try and he said he didn’t want to force me into doing something I wasn’t into... How does he respect me enough to not want to force me yet completely disrespects me by being so deceitful?

He has been very forthcoming and even put a tracking app on his phone but I am still so hurt and extremely confused. I told him he basically cheated on me and he started to object but stopped and said I was right and he has nothing he can say. We are seeing a therapist for the first time tomorrow. I am thankful he is doing everything he can to fix this but omg I am so mad at him for putting us in this position.

I’m just still in shock and don’t even know how to feel.