How do you deal with AF and your feelings after years of TTC?

Sara • Writer, visual artist and Bazi astrologer.
I really need some help. I hae now years TTC, I ha tried everything but IVF because they want to use donnors eggs and I don't want ti use them but mine. I just want to Enid how do you cope with the sadness una healthy way. The only things I can think now are slightly self destructive like drinking until get drunk or tv binge. I'm devastated.