41w5d Unmedicated Childbirth — 6 hours of pushing 🤮🤯😭

My labor started on February 9th at 11:20am after drinking a castor oil concoction from my midwives around 7:30am. Goldie Jo was almost past dates and the smoothie was one last ditch effort to ensure I wasn’t risked out of the birth center for being past due.

My contractions began fairly strongly as I lay in bed. I was determined to not allow any progress to lose momentum so I started walking laps around our house. My contractions quickly progressed to me not being able to talk through the rushes very easily at about 12:00. So I had my husband call our doula and let her know it was the real deal. At that point my contractions were about 5 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds and by 12:45 they were coming every 3 minutes for 1 full minute.

My husband began to panic at the realization that it was all happening so fast. He was worried about the 5-1-1 rule and I had to reassure him that, no we would not be having baby in the car. We phoned our doula and midwives at 1pm to give a heads up, at this point I was in the shower trying some hot water on my back to cope.

Our doula arrived at 2pm. I was in bed with contractions 2-5 minutes apart lasting 30-60 seconds. From 2:30-4:00pm we tried a few techniques like side lying, bouncing on a birthing ball, and the shower again. Things are progressing quickly and we decide to leave for the birth center at 4:45pm.

We arrive at 5pm. I’m crying and so emotional because I can’t believe we’re actually there to do this huge thing! I’m scared, relieved to be out of the hellish car, and happy that these beautiful women are all here to help get me and my baby face to face.

At this point I get checked and it’s determined that I’m 6-7 centimeters and 100% effaced and 0 station! This was a hugely proud moment and gave me validation that I was coping well, confidence that was invaluable later.

I went straight to the tub as I thought the temperature would be great for helping to take the edge off. I enjoyed the tub until about 6:20pm at which point we tried rear facing toilet. I liked this because it was easy to relax my pelvic floor (so natural to do something you do multiple times every day) and I liked leaning forward onto pillows to moan into them. After that we tried some side-lying with a peanut ball and I took another shower. At 8:15pm another exam was performed and I was complete at a +1 station!

This was another victory for my confidence and I was so excited I would have my baby soon! But that wasn’t the case.

I ended up pushing from around 8:30pm on 2/9 to 2:47am on 2/10. My progress with pushing just kept stalling out. I had a slight anterior lip that was preventing baby’s head from descending. The midwife tried to help slide it out of the way during some pushes but it was agonizingly painful, inspiring some blood curdling screams from me that my poor husband won’t soon forget.

We changed positioning a lot during those long and grueling hours, which is no small feat with a head in the birth canal. Changing things around was always excruciating at first but things kept progressing with the changes and baby’s heart rate always stayed perfect. We feared my full bladder may have been preventing progress and so I tried to pee but couldn’t. At this point they attempted a catheter which was also unsuccessful.

There was a point around 1:00am when we were trying having me walk around between contractions and pushes that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to continue. I was sooooo tired. So completely done. The idea of a transfer was defeating but more so terrifying due to the thought of the transport. I thought to myself, “the only way they’re getting me out of here by car is if it’s in a fucking hearse or an EMT can give me an epidural.”

Around this time I was given homeopathic methods of labor induction under my tongue to help the contractions pick up their pace a bit. The combination of that, walking, and the nipple stimulation seemed to do the trick. At 1:45 I was back in bed pushing at +3 station (crowning). Roughly an hour later at 2:47am our sweet Goldie Jo was finally born to the song “whoop whoop pull over dat ass too fat!” 8lbs 5.7oz, 21.5”, Apgar’s 9/9. I had a small tear that didn’t require repair. The cord was clamped and cut at 2:58am and the placenta was delivered at 3:00am.

I’m so proud of what we did. I didn’t know I could break and still be okay. I had no measure previously for what the experience would be like, and honestly there really aren’t words for it. You are broken down in those moments of pain. You’re an agonizing swirled part of creation and part of that means existing in a sliver of time in which life and death are both on the table. It is insane, beautiful, otherworldly, and gripping.

My husband was outstanding as a birth partner. Men don’t get enough credit for how supportive, open, vulnerable, and connected they can be in birth. I couldn’t have done it without him. I had high expectations already and he surpassed every one of them. I’m so excited to be on this beautiful journey with the best man for the job.