Confessions of a FTM
I stand before you today, Glow community, truly humbled. There's a lot that comes with being a first time Mom that really makes you understand what everyone meant when they said, "Oh you'll understand when you get pregnant". And I do, I do understand. There were a few times where I silently passed a little judgment.. feeling like pregnant women took advantage of their pregnancy. A woman would drop something, & gaze around, helpless... Waiting for someone to pick it up for her. And I would think to myself "aw come on! You're barely 5 months! Suck it up" or whenever a woman would need assistance getting out of a chair I would think "you're pregnant! Not crippled"
And here I am. Staring my naive pre-pregnant self in the face. I understand the meaning "do not judge what you do not understand" And boy, do I feel like the biggest bit*h ever!! The crazy emotions, "pregnancy brain", constantly feeling giant, it's real!
At work today, something fell to the ground. & there I was, gazing, silently saying a prayer that someone would pick it up so I didn't have to bend over! Realizing in that moment, even at 5 months, how truly uncomfortable pregnancy is. You bend over and feel like the giant, ever-inflating balloon in your belly is going to burst.
Getting out of a chair, you're faced with reality that if you give yourself too much momentum, you might just fly forward. And if you don't give yourself enough, you'll fall back into the chair! & with all these realizations lately, I found one to be the most powerful. All those times I would say "Mom, you worry too much"
The "you'll understand when you have a child" makes more sense than ever now. I worry from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. And in these moments I truly realize that there is no possible way to "worry too much" for your child. A worry driven by love. Even when they're still inside you!
And I just want to say, to all the Mommy's out there who have gone through not just one pregnancy, but multiple as well- including my amazing Mother.. You are STRONG & WONDERFUL! And I respect you. SO MUCH.
And never again will I judge something, unless I have gone through it!
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