I just feel so alone sometimes. I met the love of my life in high school and 16yrs later we are having our 5th child. I'm alone though. He just isn't ready to be in a committed relationship with me. So he's with a woman he previously cheated on me with and had a child. Though he doesn't claim the relationship to me. He brings her around our 4 kids and doesn't seem to understand why this hurts. See when we got pregnant. I was ending a short lived relationship with someone else. I missed my kids dad and went back to him. We both said we wanted to start over. I was sincere. Obviously he wasnt. Shortly after I found out we where pregant. I came to realize yet again, that he still wasn't ready to commit. This has been one of the most hurtful times I've experienced. My church family has been helpful but it's not the same. Sometimes I just want to be held. I just want to role over and be at peace. I know I made the decision to finally chose me over loving him but I so love him. I don't believe he loves me at all. I have to look at my family with another woman and it's so hard. I don't know how to this while trying to be positive and carry our child without stress or from a broken heart. I ask God why isn't my love enough. Why did I waste so many yrs and why do I still love this man so much.