Something I deeply regret
When we were 14, my step sister had mentioned that her period was late.
Disclaimer: this post mentions abortion* I am in not way intending for this to turn into a debate. I truly hope my past views do not offend anyone. I am sorry if this is hurtful but it's something I feel like I need to express because I deeply regret it.
It's also not to make a point, if you want a find a point beyond self expression, maybe compassion towards other people? Because I've learned to have that.
She lived with her mom for the most part.
But when I was 14, I had different views on abortion than i do now. I was one of those mean ass people when it came to the topic. I was 14, I didn't realize at the time how hurtful my words could be. I didn't realize the depth of everything, you know? As I got older, i started thinking differently about things.
She knew my views and ended up telling me she got her period, that it was just late. Randomly one night, she said "what would you do if I told you that I had an abortion?" I laughed at her and said "id call you a coward" and a few other things that are actually against the rules to say on this app. she just turned and looked away from me.
2 years later we are sitting in my room and I am curling her hair, she was sitting in front of my mirror. She just starts talking about "remember that time my period was late?" And im like "..no?" (Seriously had no idea where this conversation was going)
And she was like "I feel like I need to tell you. It's like a burden on my shoulders" and I'm like "okay.." and she said "I had an abortion when I was 14, I'm a murderer to you. My mom told me that she would have her boyfriend beat me if I didn't have an abortion. (At this point she's sobbing) I feel so ashamed, I know you think I'm a murderer. I know your mom will think I'm a murderer. I had sex and got pregnant, I never got my period.. I just told you that because I didn't want to tell you what I had done and now you'll hate me and never speak to me again and your mom will disown me. I felt like I didn't have a choice."
Literally my heart broke because I thought back at the time I called her a coward.
I told her that I could never hate her, ever. And my mom would never hate her. She was so upset she told me I was lying and she knows what I really think about it. No matter what I said I couldn't make her less upset. I told her that I loved her and was sorry and our relationship has been strained ever since.
At that point my views had already changed quite a bit even though it had only been 2 years.
But I'll never be able to take those words back and I know now that they hurt her in a way that's probably un-fixable.
😔 I just really needed to express this.