Tried for 4 years, ended in a miscarriage-feeling hopeless

I’m 24 years old and have always had relatively irregular periods and occasional unbearable cramping. I’ve never been on birth control.

I began trying with my abusive ex husband at 20, thank god nothing stuck, and I figured it was Gods way of saying he wasn’t “the one”. Him and I broke up about a year and a half ago.

In Dec of 2016 I had a cyst in my right ovary burst. They did an ultrasound and found other little cysts but did not make a huge deal out of it.

My new, loving boyfriend and I start trying in July/August time frame. I had a BFP Sept 25, and miscarried on October 3. Its been 4 months and I’m still sad and have a grey cloud over me. I ended up leaving my job because I couldn’t stand seeing my coworkers, knowing that they know. I feel disgusted w myself and my boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand, and I can’t really blame him.

I try to take OKPs every day, and I have a clear blue digital reader but I’m not ovulating.

I need some tips ladies, or really just any sort of encouragement. I feel so sad and lost and alone. I tried for so long, and I feel like God just ripped my happiness away from me, like a cruel joke. I feel like an idiot for being so excited and telling people about it.