*trigger warning abuse*

My exboyfriend was sexually abusive. We’ve been broken up for a year and I’ve been seeing another guy for a few months now. Problem is I cry whenever we do anything sexual, even kissing. I used to cry whenever my ex and I did anything because I didn’t want to do it but I want to be with this guy and I can’t. It brings back memories of my ex and makes me feel sick. He’s been really sweet about it and says he wants to wait until I’m ready but I feel bad for making him feel bad. I can’t go to a therapist because I’m paranoid that my ex will find out and come back to hurt me again because that’s what he used to do when I would talk to anybody about him. I know it’s not a rational fear but I still can’t make myself talk to anyone about it