Been with my SO for a little over a year now. And since our first scare, when we talked about it we both realized we do want children. When so talks about babies and gets around children he gets so excited and happy...I've had 4 miscarriages since I was 20, two of them with who I'm currently with. We just had a CP on the 30th of Dec in 2014. And then we had a miscarriage in April of this year. And the look on his face every time we find out we're pregnant is the happiest I've seen him...and every time we have a mc I see it kills him and that he ends up pushing away more and more...we've been trying for the longest it feels like...and his little sister is getting married and she intentionally threw it in my face that she just found out she's pregnant....my doctors test me every time and tell me nothing is wrong with me. But..if there's nothing wrong with me. Why on EARTH does one continually have pregnancy losses...they always say after a mc you'll go onto having a healthy pregnancy next time...I always feel like that doesn't apply to me. All I really want is to convince, and have a tiny human that sees me as their super hero...but Its like the universe keeps playing with my emotions about it. Idk why it's bugging me so much today. I'm almost never like this...my AF is due on the 15th and I can't help but feel like she's gonna arrive... At this point I feel like I'm damaged goods. Or that I can't do one of the things my body was built to do. Its consuming me, man. And I can't talk to him about any of this. He's not the emotional type. Hell if I'm upset or pissed he gives me space. But...there is such thing as too much space. I think after this cycle if I get a bfn.. I'll be stopping for a while, just until i can get my head wrapped around and straight. I'm just so ready for my rainbow baby...I'm so tired of loss after loss.. Its putting me to the point where I'm terrified to be pregnant. Most girls my age that I went to school with, are already on baby #2 or get lucky and announce they're having their first. I feel like I am deserving almost.mmto just have a break and say "hey! I'm so excited. I'm expecting!" But with my history so far ..saying that is like promising something you know you can't keep up with.