Emotional..Edit 2

EDIT 2: This isn’t the first time I’ve been through this. When we lost our first baby he left me 2 weeks later to go back to his ex that he cheated on me with and got her pregnant and she lost her child too, then he left her to come back to me and went back & forth between the both of us all the way until senior year.

EDIT: i know i posted this in another group and received no replies, but having some comfort from woman who could be in the same position as me or who have experienced something like this would be really helpful. I want this baby more than anything, and it hurts me that i don’t believe he feels the same way, even after loosing our first child. This baby was supposed to bring us together..

*WARNING PRETTY LONG*

My SO and I have been on & off since my sophomore year of high school. Around prom & graduation my senior year after not being in a relationship but messing around for a while we officially got back together & he broke up with me a few months after but still wanted to remain friends..but we weren’t friends, we still had sex and still acted as if we were in a relationship and we’ve been like this ever since. I continue to beg him to get back together officially and he refuses to, he says because he doesn’t want the stress of a relationship. I asked him what does that make us then? And he replied “Two people in love that treat each other with love and respect and bond together” IS THAT NOT A F*CKING RELATIONSHIP? I’ve asked him if he’s seeing someone else because he’s cheated before and he swears he’s not that kind of person anymore and it’s just me overthinking and my hormones. Our child is going to be here in 5 months, and I can’t picture not having a family. Do i seem irrational, or do i have a right to be feeling so hurt. I’m tired of feeling like i don’t matter.